Twilight's Oddball Adventures
by The Author in the Oak Tree
Summary: Twilight wakes up one morning, not aware of the fact that her life is about to change - not for the better, or for the worse, but for the generally preposterous. This is just me letting my ADHD run awry in the form of an awful story. Don't expect much. Rated for intensely inappropriate language. But it IS SFW.


_** That fateful night in Ponyville would change the course of pony history 5ever.**_

_** Twilight Sparkle awake that morning, not anticipating the eventful day ahead of her. Little did she know, she'd never sleep again, until that same day, when she went to sleep that night, and every day following, when she went to sleep at night, but besides normal and consistent REM sleep, she didn't sleep often.**_

_** Upon awaking, Twilight checked her to-do-list, like she does every day.**_

"Spike, I'm checking my to-do-list, like I do every day."

"Okei?"

_** Before she could even open her pretty little mouth, Twilight's world changed forever.**_

"Twilight, I can see that you're preparing the joints in your mouth to move your bottom jaw downward to open your pretty little mouth, not anticipating the fact that your world is about to change forever."

Twilight nodded without opening her pretty little fuckin' mouth.

Spike further observed the movement of the ligaments 'n' shit in Twilight's mouth using his mighty and evil and highly powerful **X-RAY VISION!** even though he is a dragon.

"Wait, Twilight, didn't you already open your mouth today?"

Twilight used telekinesis to talk into Spike's mind. She said, "Shut up, li'l dragon ass nigga from hell. Kill yourself, you stupid green and purple anus paynus."

_** Wait, here comes the part where her life changes forever. Shut up, I haven't seen this part yet.**_

Spike killed himself.

_** Wait, are we both two different third-person narrators?**_

Yeah, you're the super narrator!

_** Fun fun fun**__** fun fun fun fun!**_

Spike came back to life, more animated than ever before. He spoke of a mystical land of talking horses with stupid haircuts and a really loyal lesbian rainbow and cerulean flying horse. And an autistic lavender colored p0ne whose intelligence far exceeded her logic skills. He was referring to Equestria, still. Who knows?

Twilight suddenly had a brain aneurysm. Her physical health was so amazing, though, that she survived it without even opening her pretty little mouth. Just kidding, her mouth was wide open on account of the overbite that she had developed from ramming her bottom jaw on her piano when she fell over from her brain aneurysm.

What was happening?

* * *

_ Meanwhile, in Canterlot, five hundred thousand chromosomes ago..._

"I am such a hood nigga, know what I'm sayin, hood nigga? I'm such a hood nigga, I'm gonna make eternal night."

"Okei," then Celestia sealed Luna in the moon for four hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty-seven chromosomes. She broke free at the end of that chromosomal imprisonment period, healed every inconsistency this story beared, and then took over the world. Then she was defeated by the Elements of Harmony: Fluttershy, the element of Kindness; Applejack, the element of Honesty; Pinkameenus Combenis Vergaatu, the element of Laughter & Terror; Rarity, the element of Greed hidden behind the title of *snort* Generosity; Rainbow Dash, the element of Loyalty & Commitment to One's Sexual Identity (Rainbow was an outward, yet still closet, lesbian, and it was really obvious); and Twilight Sparkle, the sociopathic, schizophrenic, murderous, psychopathic, militaristic, stupid bitch little Nazi element of Ponilogical Magical Wonderhood & Hoofler's Third Reich. One day, Twilight woke up, unaware her life was about to change forever. And uh...that brings us up to now. This has no relevance to the story.

* * *

_ T'was a summer evening... the clouds were overcast and Rarity looked stupid as usual with her retarded hair..._

Twilight Sparkle, the sociopathic, schizophrenic, murderous, psychopathic, militaristic, stupid bitch little Nazi element of Ponilogical Magical Wonderhood & Hoofler's Third Reich, finally opened her mouth.

_** I thought it was the morning, on account of the fact that Twilight just woke up from her aneurysm. And she opened her mouth earlier, upon having her aneurysm and smashing her jaw.**_

Shhhhh.

"Twahlaht, ahr you okei?" asked Twilight's redneck friend.

"I'm not sure Applejack, I think I-" Twilight suddenly began to shake uncontrollably. Suddenly, her head rotated a sudden 360 degrees suddenly, and her face looked a lot angrier than it did before.

"I DUNNO STUPID HILLBILLY, IS _YHU _GONNA BE OKEI?!"

Her head rotated backwards another 360 degrees and Twilight looked normal, but also confused.

"What just happened?"

Doctor Quincy Raymond Chapstick Phallic (AKA Dr. Q.R.W. Phallic) looked Twilight straight in the eyes, looking more pissed off than ever. He yelled, "You have multiple personality disorder."

Twilight looked at Q.R.W. Phallic scaredly eyed him back, "W-what? What does this mean for me?"

Q.R.W. Phallic replied angrily, "Do I have to spell it out for you, Twilight Sparkle, the sociopathic, schizophrenic, murderous, psychopathic, militaristic, stupid bitch little Nazi element of Ponilogical Magical Wonderhood & Hoofler's Third Reich? You have split personalities, STUPID BITCH. Your life will never be the same, STUPID BITCH. YOU'RE GOING TO THE PSYCH WARD! YOU'RE INSANE! NOT WELL! STUPID **BITCH!**" Oddly enough, Dr. Phallic actually began growing in size. He grew larger and larger until he had broke through the ceiling and was twice the size of the room. Finally, he grabbed his temples as hard as he could, and screamed his head off until his head turned a burgundy red and he exploded, his blood and guts dispersing about Ponyville, causing the nasty nigga village to be coated in a beautiful, glowing shade of blood red. Fluttershy gazed amazedly at the exhibition of quality entertainment. Rarity vacuumed up a bunch of the blood and planned on using it as a dye for her new clothing line. And she just thought of a name for the new line! _**Rarity's Quincy Raymond Chapstick [Even though Chapstick starts with a C, not a W] Phallic Blood & Guts Beautiful Exotic Red Seductive Whorse Dress Clothes!**_

Once again, for no apparent reason, Twilight blinked. As she closed her eyes, she was in the hospital, and when she opened said eyes, she was in the psych ward.

"Huh.. that's weird. When I closed my eyes, I was in the hospital, and when I opened previously mentioned eyes, I was in this psych ward in which I currently sta-" Twilight once again began shaking uncontrollably. "Oh, no," and "SHIT NIGGA" was all that could come to her brain right now as she drowned in the awkwardly pleasurable sensation of her body switching active personalities. The sensation felt like an orgasm, followed by someone itching her ankle, followed by another orgasm, followed by the smell of chamomile tea. Followed by a third, much more intense orgasm, which felt so good that it actually caused Twilight physical pain in her loins. Intense physical pain. Whose pleasure was even more sensational than those before it. Anyways, Spike died while Twilight was in the hospital. lol she was in the hospital for like two months and Spike had no food, showers, or care. Twilight died too, because she was in the hospital for like three months while Spike was there watching her being fed by Fluttershy while Twilight was also being tended to. That's why Junebug died, not Twilight or Spike. Anyways,

"NIGGAS **B** CRA**ZEE!** _**DESTROY ALL HUMANS! DESTROY ALL HUMANS!"**_

The psychiatrist confusedly asked Twilight, "Please, allow me to understand, Sparklenigga," as that was the name Twilight's alternate personality gave to itself. "What are hue-manz?"

"_**I DON'T KNOW, NYUUUCKAAAAA! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU?!" **_

The psychiatrist had learned to speak Sparklenigga's language. "You suck big black cock, you stupid bitch nigga."

Suddenly, Twilighthood Sparklenigga began to feel weak. Powerless. Classic methodology for puttin' down a stupid idiot - insult them harder.

Twilighthood Sparklenigga could feel her spirit being destroyed from the inside out. She was just called a bitch nigga... the most powerful of insults. One that takes over 800 testiculios to conjure up. Sparklenigga felt the impending doom through her _Cologne For White Ponies With Mohawks. _

"Yes, mom," said Sparklenigga as her irises and pupils disappeared for seemingly no reason. Wild MAGIKARP used SPLASH! But nothing happened... same thing with Twilight! PKMN Trainer TWILIGHT used MAKE YOUR OWN PUPILS AND IRISES VANISH! But nothing good happened. All that happened was that Twilight's ACC. fell due to her lack of, well, eyes. PONÉMON! GOTTA CATCH ALL THEM BITCHES!

Sparklenigga actually just said all of that out loud. The psychiatrist was PDF (Pretty damn 'fuzzled. [Fuzzled Is Short For {CONFUZZLED CONFUZZLED MEANS CONFUSED.}])

_** ~Meanwhile, at Fluttershy's shed...~**_

"Stay outta my - wait, we're not really gonna reference _ , _are we?"

_** ~Back at Twilonemor's EVIL ASS FUCKING DUNGEON...!..I mean the Psych Ward For Mentally Unstable Pony Brains...Ohp, ne'ermind, turns out Sparklenigga fled from the PWFMUPB to her dungeon...Back at Twilonemor'S EVIL ASS FUCKING DUNGEON...!...~**_

"What is happening here?!" Rainb**lesbian**ow Dash flew into Twilight's dungeon looking very worried. "Twilight, I didn't know we had this in common!"

"What's that, Rainbow?"

"We're both investors in dungeon real estate!"

An oafish jingle played on a tuba, shaming Rainbow Da**lesbian**sh's idiotic remark.

"Wait, what do you mean we're both investors in dungeon real estate?"

"You own a dungeon, just like me!"

Before Rainbow had actually began talking, a dragon suddenly crashed through the ceiling of Twilight's elegant diamond castle, tearing through the roof, releasing its bold blazing breath onto Pinkie Pie, who just so happened to have just entered the house. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sadly, Pinkie Pie died that day. She would burn up in the dragon's mighty breath, her sweet laugh never to be heard again. Anyways, Pinkie Pie woke up the next morning and assumed life as she'd usually live it, completely normal and scar-free. No story inconsistencies were found, although fourth-wall breaking scientists ran thousands upon thousands of inconclusive tests, trying to figure out why, exactly, Pinkie was still alive, well, and seemingly completely unharmed from the adversity she had, the previous day, witnessed.

Anyways, the day after _The Dragon Incident _(which just so happened to be a movie that came out the same day of Pinkie's dragon incident, and also the movie was strikingly similar to Pinkie's dragon incident) released in theaters everywhere, Johnny Clopp emerged from his tent in Manehattan. He yelled to the world - "I am Pony Johnny Depp." He then assumed his original task of going back into his tent and masturbating for eleven hours.

Then, the ground in Poneegypt (_original name is original) _began to pour downwards, away from one center point, as if a hill was rising from the grounds below Poneegypt's seemingly endless supplies of sand. At the point the sand was retreating from, a bipedal man rose from the ground, standing completely still, aside from the fact that he was constantly moving upwards. Suddenly, as soon as his strange five-toed feet emerged from the Marabian sands, a larger area around him began to repel dirt as yet another hill rose from the ground. When a large area behind this hill began to do the same, the hill revealed itself to be a cat head. Slowly but surely, the body of the structure, soon revealing itself to be a Sphinx, one of the giant, exotic cat statues paying tribute to the nasty feline fucks of Old Poneegypt in which the dumbass ponies worshiped as idols, rose from the ground. The bipedal man, standing atop the head of the sphinx, slowly rose his hands in the air, and then shouted one word and one word only, so loudly that even the ears of a brick wall would have their eardrums busted.

_** "NUBIA!"**_

Then, the Sphinx, but much faster this time, descended back into the sand from which it had just emerged, taking the Pharaoh-looking man down with it.

Then, an explosion arose from the mighty pit of giant fucking cats.

_**R.I.P. NUBIAMAN**_

_** HE WAS TOO GODDAMN LOUD**_

_**Insert clincher here.**_

_** Twilight gazed confusedly and curiously at the nasty starving African children lookin' train wreck her stupid friends had become. What had been happening? What WILL happen? WHAT EVENTS COULD TRANSPIRE THAT COULD TRULY CHANGE THE COMING COURSE OF EVENTS IN EQUESTRIA 5EVER? **_lik if u cry evrytim _**FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EDITION OF...**_

_**The Oddball Adventures of Twilight Sparkle!**_


End file.
